Success

How do we determine success? This is something I've been thinking about recently. I'm recovering from a bout with something that was probably flu. It has given me lots of time to think-there is only so much television that I can watch. Success is a word that is often used but has a very flexible meaning. Success differs from one person to another and from one situation to another.

I watched a lot of the 2014 Australian Open tennis matches. I really enjoy tennis. In each arena, only one person can be the champion. However, everyone who is able to participate is a success in one way or another. Most tennis players lose in every tournament, and yet they continue to play tournament after tournament. To be a professional tennis player or golfer, you have to be comfortable with not being the winner. You must strive to win but realize that it will not be every week. Many professionals seldom win the championship although they may win a number of matches before the loss. Loss is not failure, it is simply one aspect of the competition. The losers are still successful-after all, they love and play tennis for their jobs. To be able to compete professionally is to succeed.

In school, there are again varying measures of success. For some, a passing grade is a success. For others, only an A is success. Some audit classes and avoid the grades completely.  For them, new learning means success. Some combine the goal of learning and the grade to define success. The school recognizes success in the form of the grade or test results. A community often defines success as the standardized test results. When I was in school, success was the A. Until graduate school, I think I learned more on my own than in a formal school setting. Graduate school combined both my desire to learn and the desire to get the degree to define success. That time, I defined my own goals and success.

In the workplace, many determine success by regular pay raises. Others seek promotions or external recognition. Some want the visible signs of success-the fancy car, home, watch, clothes, tech gadgets, etc. For others, success is found in the contribution they make. At work, although I love a positive performance review, for me, success is the ability to make a positive contribution. I particularly love it when I help someone else, whether to solve a problem or to master a new skill. If I do not have an opportunity to help, the day is not as fulfilling.

In my home life, success is harder to measure. How do I know that I have been a success as a wife, mother, grandmother, friend? I must measure myself against what I want to be. These measurements are often full of self-doubt and criticism. However, in the end, this is the place where success matters the most. 

While my contribution at work is important, my contribution to my family and friends is what I value the most. Steven Covey calls these things important, but frequently not urgent. Stuff at work is frequently urgent but not necessarily important. Success in this area requires a focus on the important that is easily overlooked in the press of things. Setting goals helps create visible tracking of focus in the area. Creating routines can also assist. 

Over the years, I have found that if I plan laundry for light colors on Monday, towels on Wednesday, and dark colors on Friday, I can see 'success' in this aspect of my life. I can celebrate some success as a homemaker. I plan menus once a week with similar results. I can see that I have successfully served healthy, tasty meals for my family. That does not mean I do so all the time. I do succeed more often than not. This success is sort of like the tennis player-I may not win the tournament (always serving as I would like to), but I do win many matches (mostly serving the kinds of meals I want).

So, what is success? If we want to be truly successful, I think we must each decide for ourselves. This will likely be a work in progress, with  personal definitions of success continuing to change over time as life circumstances change. Those who do not make these changes often find retirement challenging as they identify success only through work.